Dreamweaver... REO Speedwagon was onto something..

I confess I am a hopeless romantic.  There is no doubt about it.  Soft piano music stirs my emotions and puts me near tears.  Matthew McConaughey makes me swoon every time I watch "How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days" (yes, I've seen it prob a 100 times).  My college days included multiple boyfriends, lots of Julia Roberts movies, and 80's Ballads.  I am not afraid to say it, I love "love", prince charmings, dozens (plural, yes, you caught that) of roses, and breakfast in bed.  Massage my toes, kiss my nose, tell me all those sentimental things I want to hear; offer me champagne, a bubble bath, some wine--hold and caress me, forever be mine....

  See what happens when I get going!  I easily get pulled into Cupcake Land, where each girl has three best friends and everything from the movies isn't just human nature manipulation but it ACTUALLY happens!..yeah right.  I have come to the realization that either God forgot to add more estrogen to the male DNA or fairytales don't exist.  (Of course there are both sexes that are born with a little more of this and that so they become an exception to this, but just sayin...)

Emotions create a mirage in front of me.  Statistically, I see all the positives of a person or am very hopeful for the person one can become. Instead of seeing the cup as half empty, I see it as half full.  I am your golden retriever, so to speak.  Same with love-- I fall easy, I fall hard and I expect cupcake land to be a reality.  Reality is masked and buried beneath high hopes and lofty dreams. 

           Is everything I go through is brought upon me (whether good or bad) by the choices I make?  I wonder how differently things would be if I had used a realist approach to discern between "philos" or "agape" love and "eros" love. (Google 3 types of love).  I am wondering that if I have ever truly experienced "eros" love?  Or have I been blinded by facades, emotions, and fairytales?  Once the butterflies dissipate, what is left?  My recent self-discovery is that I may need to take more a realist approach when allowing people to be a part of my life. I need a decoder ring in my brain that allows me to decipher truth from falsity; short-term vs. long-term; reality vs. dreamy expectations, eros vs. philos, etc etc.

Is there hope for a hopeless romantic?  Will I ever feel content with love, friendship, MYSELF?  I peel back the layers of this onion and wonder what could possibly bring me happiness and joy.  Is it a who? Is it you? I hope to find whatever it is, to lift my soul and enlighten me.  Ready and waiting.  I am still hopeful that there is a place somewhere out there in this world for me.

Until next time, Kris xox