Where (or behind what) have I been hiding!?!?.....

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.

I apologize for leaving my blog hanging in space...I have been a busy, busy bee lately.  I am purely exhausted and feel it inside.  My soul is longing for yoga, but I can't get myself off my chair.  I can't seem to muster enough energy really even to write this blog.   But it's been far too long, so you ask where and/or behind what have I been hiding?

About four weeks ago, we were given an opportunity to really impact my youngest sibling and allow him to try school out where we live.  Initially, it was the husband's idea, which made me even more excited to try to help my brother out.   I have no children of my own and even being the oldest of four kids wasn't adequate preparation for the days ahead.  Long story cut short, things didn't work as planned and he will be returning home to receive the help he desperately needs. 

 I do have to say one thing--The heart is a tough muscle and I empathize with all the moms (especially the single moms) out there, who work ever so diligently for their families every day.  My short duration as "mom" messed up my sleep schedule, battered my emotions, cut into my social life (not that it really exists now days nor is this said with negative connotation), and naturally brought me to be completely selfless.  I walked around for a few weeks with a mask of strength and endurance, having to face some pretty painful experiences in the process, which to my family's privacy, I will not disclose.  All I have to say is that I don't know how you do it mom. I don't know if I am cut out for what you've done for the past 30 years of your life... ;)

As my heart aches it is as equally hopeful for the days to come.  Sometimes I look at the "stuff" going on in my life and tend to sit back and over-analyze the "who, what, WHY, why, WHY" about it rather than taking the "Don't let life take you, you take life" approach; or as I was gently reminded randomly one evening of the "Trust in my faith.God.Karma." approach.  Proverbs 3:5,6 states, " ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."   I take this as saying I have only a human brain--we use only 20% of its' capacity.  How in the world would I think that I am capable of "understanding" everything that goes on in this life? Just as this subtle nudge reminded me, I only know and comprehend so much.  I need to stick to what I am capable of and leave the rest to Him.

I really hope my inspiration crawls out from under the fatigue blanket soon.  My prayer for myself is that I will take a deep breath and try to remember my position in the world, that it's not my job to save it--that's already been done--but to spread positivity, love, and to take an occassional time out to recharge.

Until next time,

Namaste.  (The light in me, recognizes the light in you)