Sitting outside of your masquerade...

We're fools whether we dance or not,
so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

I have a really good husband.  He was trying hard to be an even better nurse. I don't feel well, so he had me all tucked in, then 10:30 p.m. rolls around, and there's that second wind (underneath alot of snot, sniffles, sneezes and such). My mind has me up again and it's getting to the point where I am very tired, and just want my mind to pause.

Honestly, I should know better by now...

These past few weeks, I have felt absolutely alien to my surroundings.  I have felt lonely.  ...Well, I am missing something; someone--  I am sitting on the outskirts of "your" masquerade. 

...Watching you as you dance, adorned from head to toe. With or without your partner,  you dance.  Cascading, gliding, twirling--your faces are lit with happiness.  Of course I cannot hear your private, most intimate conversations; and the sashay of your linens creates the sounds of a subtle ocean.  Legs crossed, cup empty, hand unattended, I watch.  And wish.  I meet glances with someone across the room and they begin to come my way.  Come to find out, they were not looking in my direction at all.  The music stops, the dance is over--this masquerade has only been a mirage before my eyes.  The breeze gently blows, kissing my bare shoulder.  There is no one in sight.  Nothing accompanies me but my hungry soul and the euphonious sounds of the crickets in the shadows.

Facebook is this dance to me.  I want to delete my account, oh, once a day at the very least.  I am addicted to it solely for the fact that it temporarily makes me feel like I am a part of something--something bigger, family like. 

I examine my life and feel as though I should just pick up and dance alone.  Dance with the air that allows me to sing; speak; breathe--  In begging for a "dance", I have found myself investing more and more time into facebook.  I have friends on facebook.  There are things going on, events and quotes, and conversations!  It's a play ground.  Unfortunately, when the violin suddenly stops playing, the account is not engaged; that satisfaction and fulfilled longing is empty again.

I have to smile, because I do have a few people that take very good care of my heart.  Most of those few are over 6 hours away from me.  And from afar, I dance with them in my heart.  Although I am forever grateful for them, I still long to have this dance with someone, out there, who wants to dance with me too.

I guess for now all I can do is pray and ask God to help me love others anyway; and most importantly, love me.  As I sit here, dress wrinkled, glass empty, and no one attending my hand; maybe you could do me the honor, Lord, of having this dance with me; and helping me live to my fullest each day regardless of circumstance.  Essentially, that's all any of us can do.  Live with no regrets, be kind, and dance anyway... :) xoxo